Bruised, Broken, Shot, Shocked and Missing...

So, it's been a while hasn't it? Yeah. I've been a bit out of it and such. I absolutely miss my beautiful twin Stephie. I hope she's having enough fun for the both of us.

There've been some interesting developments since my last post and I thought I'd share them now. I know when Stephie gets back she's gonna be pretty pissed at me for what I'll admit to in a moment, but I also know that she'll just want to squeeze me and love me and stuff.

I'll start with the newest developments. Cameel's engaged. Sudden? Yeah. I thought so too. She's trying to hard to rip me apart, and it might work too, if I could feel emotions anymore. I guess that's a lie. She's already hurt me to the point where if she hurts me anymore, or if I let it get to me there'll be some dickhead on the sidewalk and me in a cell. I'm tired of the bullshit, I'm tired of it all. I just want a rest.

Okay, since I covered that in a hurry I'll explain the two pictures up there. The moon... ever since Tiffanny dumped me on Christmas Eve a few years back I've taken a picture of the moon on Christmas Eve. Every picture I take of it that night, it looks so sad... so lonely. I guess it can relate to me. This is the newest picture of the moon from Christmas Eve '06. It stopped raining just long enough for me to snap this shot. Yay for rainy Christmas.

The sunrise up there... It's a dedication to my friends that have put up with me through it all. You guys are my sunrise. You guys give me meaning and keep me going on. Thank you. This sunrise was taken from my balcony on Christmas morning. It came out so wonderfully I just had to share it.

I'm sleeping better now. I've sort of just given up on most things. I've decided for a wihle, I'm just going to go for a piece of ass. There's no need for me to try to get involved anytime soon. I'm tired of having my heart ripped out and them moving on so quick. Maybe I bring it on myself, but I find it more probable to assume that my "type" are just dumb bitches that don't want a guy like me anyways. I know there's nothing wrong with me. I'm a good looking guy, and I love spending time with my woman. I like a fiery passionate relationship, unfortuantely my "type" doesn't seem to like that. Oh well, there are lots of fishies in the sea, and I haven't run out of bait yet.

Now, that sounds great doesn't it? It took two things to make me realize those things. I'll tell you guys about the better one first. So my sister dragged me out to shop with her the 22nd or 23rd because I looked "down." Of course we HAD to use my car, but that's not the point. I had to get gas before we could go anywhere. So while I'm inside I spot this guy digging through the trash. A homeless guy. My first time to ever see a homeless guy. And you know what? I wished I was in his shoes. I wished I was in his fucking shoes. How bad is that? So, I looked at him and thought about how easy he has it, worrying about things more difficult than things I've been worried about. Not having to worry about love because he's more worried about his survival you know?

Then I realized: he's worried about his survival. He wasn't concerned about women. He had been dealt a shittier hand than me and yet he was still clinging to his life. He wasn't running from it. He wasn't trying to get shot. He wasn't killing himself. He was digging through the garbage to find cans. I stood there a moment, dumbfounded as I realized this. Then... I felt I owed him somethng for making me see something so obvious.

I walk outside, hold out a $50 bill and ask the man if I can buy his bag of cans. He looks at me reluctantly and finally takes the money and tosses me the bag, leaning his bicycle agains tthe rest stop's wall. I smile as he goes inside ande place his back back on his handlebars, driving away without a second thought.

I hope he didn't waste the money. Right now, he is my hero. My undying hero.

The other thing... Well, I don't wish to speak about it so publicly, so Stephie, you'll have to ask/scold me for it on your own.

I love you my darling sister. I hope you're smiling where I can not, and I hope you and Andy succeed where I have failed. Failure may be a word to describe me, but... so is Loved. And I think the second far outweighs the first.

Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me

Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean

Gotta get away
Holy Diver

Shiny diamonds
Like the eyes of a cat in the black and blue
Something is coming for you

Race for the morning
You can hide in the sun 'till you see the light
Oh we will pray it's all right

Gotta get away-get away

Between the velvet lies
There's a truth that's hard as steel
The vision never dies
Life's a never ending wheel

Holy Diver
You're the star of the masquerade
No need to look so afraid

Jump on the tiger
You can feel his heart but you know he's mean
Some light can never be seen

Holy Diver
You've been down too long in the midnight sea
Oh what's becoming of me

Ride the tiger
You can see his stripes but you know he's clean
Oh don't you see what I mean

Gotta get away
Holy Diver