Hello Cruel Wo---ME!

Okay, this post is mainly for my own benefit because when I start thinking too much I start getting super depressed and stuff, so what I always do when I start thinking is writing a letter to myself.

Why write a letter to myself? Well it helps soothe my nerves and gets all of my frustrations out in the open. Plus I like to have a strict record of how I feel each day, not to mention it's funny to look back at the letters to myself and be like "oh damn dude. You were so stupid." Anyways, it always helps me, and feel free to try it sometime. You might also find it helpful.

Most of the times I keep this in my personal journal, but I figured since most of you already know what the hell is going on around here I'd go ahead and write a public letter to myself. So, here goes.

Dear Regal,

Yo dog what's up? No, that doesn't work. Damn. Uh... Coma Estas Senor Regal? What the fuck? Is that even English? I bet that's the last time Santa'll bring gifts to this bad boy.

Anyways, how're things there in the confines of your idiocy in the future? Have you perhaps found out what you want to do with yourself? Most have said it's good to start from a clean slate, and trust me I know it hurts but perhaps they're right. Have you found where you wanted to start the revamp of the Regal?

So what did you change first? That mask you always wear? Has it been broken? Have you been able to heal yet without the bottle? Have you found what you're searching your soul for?

Ah I probably know the answers to most of those questions, but it's good to get your mind thinking anyways, we both know you don't use that thinker of yours often anyways, at least I can give that engine a bit of a rev.

I miss you man, I miss us, you know? The us we used to be before she came and seperated you and me. Have you become that fat smelly basement/attic dweller who hasn't seen light in years yet? Does your voice work anymore since you won't even talk to me, and I am you.

How're your wounds doing? Are you still licking them on your own or are you opening up a bit to others so you won't break down? Perhaps you've already broken down? Oh God don't tell me you're reading this in an institution!

Dude, get a hold of yourself. I know I can't condemn you for feeling something for someone who seems to be so confused that she can't tell hot pink from clitoral pink. Okay, bad example but who cares?

Been making those dumb sound effects lately? Perhaps you've been watching lots of porn or cheap horror flicks while eating gallon tubs of ice-cream and gettin the spoon stuck to your nose. You always were pretty dumb that way.

Don't worry man, things get better. You've been moving lately not only on the outside but on the inside too. Or perhaps you haven't moved so much on the inside. Perhaps you're still laying around in there wondering just what your worth is. I can tell you what your worth man, don't worry. I can make it all come into the light.

Regal, you are worth -digs through pockets- A bubblegum wrapper, half a pack of matches, twenty-eight cents, a screw? A screw? Anyone want a screw? Um... right going back to what you're worth Regal. Uh... A faded photograph, everything in my wallet (Yay! An I.D.) and uh... some A-B-C gum. So man, can I have you back?

Keep your chin up. It happens to everyone, don't confine yourself to well... yourself. Even if you don't have the will to go on, force yourself. Sometimes will and motivation mean nothing more than what you're willing to will yourself to do. Okay, I just confused myself. Um... Yeah. Just like, try to smile okay?

I miss you,
Me.

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Once I rose above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion
I was soaring ever higher
But I flew too high

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man
I hear the voices when I'm dreaming
I can hear them say


Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, well
It surely means that I don't know

On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune
But I hear the voices say

No!

Carry on, you will always remember
Carry on, nothing equals the splendor
Now your life's no longer empty
Surely heaven waits for you.